Dear Diary Survivor,

Hey you, it’s been a while. Can you believe I’m actually sitting down to write to you? Remember all those notebooks/planners I used to write to you everyday since I was 12? Then in 2009, I went virtual and this blog was born. That’s 13 years ago, it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, but here we are. It’s crazy that the reason I started writing to you was because I needed an outlet for thoughts and feelings I can’t express in real life because I feared people will misunderstand and think ill of me, and then in 2009, I opened my (diary) blog for everyone to read.😅

What do you know, there are actual people who think the same thoughts, feel the same feelings, experience the same but kinda different situations, it’s amazing. That’s what I love about blogging, relating to people I don’t even really know in real life.

That last time I actually sat down to write a diary entry was a long time ago, I can’t even remember exactly when. I know I wrote about my thoughts on a movie, Sunod, and I wrote an appreciation post for the late President Aquino, but to actually write down what I was feeling and thinking about a certain situation, I haven’t done that in a while. It’s so funny, I started writing in a diary/blog about my life, and then life got in the way of it?😂 If that isn’t an irony, I don’t know what is.😂

Hello, From the Other Side is a hit song by Adele.

The Day The Earth Stood Still

March 2020, our city was put under a Community Quarantine. We were advised to stay at home and only go out for food runs and if it’s absolutely necessary. It was supposed to only last a month. A month passed by and instead of being lifted, stricter quarantine protocols were put in place. I don’t have to elaborate on that because I know you experienced the same thing because this happened globally. The rest of the world was already in quarantine months before this happened here in the Philippines.

For the first few months, everything was still okay. Sure, we had to stay home more. That meant I can save on gas, but whatever money I didn’t spend on gas, we spent on food. For some reason, my kids are hungrier when they’re at home.😅 Despite that though, we were still doing okay.

I’ve worked at home since I had L. So it wasn’t much of a change for me. We also decided to home school our kids the year before (2019). That’s a story for another time, so they were also already home for a year before the pandemic hit. Adjusting to staying at home more wasn’t so much of a change for us. Except now we can’t eat out or go to the park to have a picnic, when we feel like it. We were absolutely willing to do our part and not contribute to the spread of the virus.

The number of people getting the virus got higher and higher and the quarantine protocols got even stricter. Before you know it, a year has passed and I still can’t see the end of it. Vaccines have been made to help; but the virus evolves faster than they can make working vaccines; so even if you’ve been vaccinated, you’re still not safe from getting the new strains of the corona virus. That sucks, but that’s what’s happening now. We live in a 3rd world country; so of course we’ll probably be the last ones to actually have everyone vaccinated.

The Day The Earth Stood Still is the title of a 1951 and 2008 movie.

Up In The Air

Then it happened. I lost my clients and “O” lost projects and events he had lined up because of the pandemic. I work as a Freelance Virtual Assistant, I’ve been so, on and off, for the past 10 years. Some tasks I do as a Virtual Assistant are: virtual admin tasks, podcast editing, copywriting, web development and design, graphic design, social media management and content management. Before the pandemic, I was working with 5 clients, who are all based abroad, US, UK and Canada. I worked with a Life Coach, an Air BnB proprietor, a Web Development Company, a Digital Marketing firm and a Web Content Creation Company.

Being a freelancer allows me to have control of my time. I let my clients know that I have other clients; but as long as I make my deadlines, they had no problem with it.

I lost my clients one by one as the pandemic progressed. As expected, the Air BnB proprietor was the first one to go. Travel has been postponed because of the pandemic. Then the rest followed, the last one I lost was my job at the Digital Marketing firm. From then, it felt like everything was up in the air and I didn’t know what to do.

In Tagalog, there’s a word that perfectly described what I was feeling, as I lost my clients one by one. Nganga. Roughly translated, it simply means, Now what?, literally translated it means, mouth agape. So even in the literal sense, it applies to what I felt at the time. I think maybe I was depressed for a little while, because I was so worried about how we were going to survive. Eventually, I became okay with not being okay. I think the pandemic put a lot of things in perspective for me. I had a lot of realizations that I wouldn’t have realized unless the pandemic happened.

Up In The Air is the title of a 2009 film starring George Clooney and Anna Kendrick; based on a novel by Walter Kirn. The story revolves around a downsizing expert played by George Clooney.

Eat, Pray, Love

Eat

I kid you not when I say my kids are always hungry. I learned how to bake cookies, brownies, cupcakes and bread, because I had to save money. It’s always cheaper when you make it yourself. I’ve had a lot of fails, still edible though so we still eat it. I never knew how much I enjoyed baking, it’s kind of therapeutic. In high school, I used to bake and although sometimes I’d make muffins for my grandma, it wasn’t one of the things I think of to pass my time. I realize I especially love making bread. I knead it by hand because I don’t have a KitchenAid yet. Nothing beats the smell of fresh baked bread.🤤

I learned how to bake because of the pandemic, if it didn’t happen, we wouldn’t have the gift of Cinnamon Rolls with Cream Cheese Frosting.🤤

I make 2 kinds, one with lots of raisins, as requested by “O”, and one without, as requested by the kids.

One of the things we loved to do as a family before the pandemic, was eating out. That’s why we have a food blog, Eats OA, born from our love of food and different tastes. The pandemic means we can’t eat out, but thanks to Food Panda and other food delivery services, we’re still able to eat out sometimes, when the budget permits.

Pray

I lost my clients during the course of the pandemic. I had no job and “O” had to postpone projects and events he had lined up. To say that I was worried was an understatement. So, I did the only thing I can do in a situation where you feel helpless, I prayed. I blocked everything else and prayed my ass off. I prayed and prayed and prayed until I found peace. I’ve come to realize that worrying wouldn’t solve anything. I remember what our friend always used to say whenever they were in a situation where they were financially pressed, he’d always say, “God will provide.”, he’d say it in a joking way to annoy his wife, but I know deep down, he believed it too. *Shout out to Nikki & Beng!*

Just as soon as I put my faith in the Lord, I kid you not, things got better. It’s not about being religious, because I’m not, I just like to believe that I have a relationship with the Lord where I feel like he listens to me when I talk to him, it’s not about seeing signs, it’s about how I feel. It’s really hard to explain, but when I started to pray, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Yes, seriously. I’m not about to preach and tell you to commit to a religion, I went to church as a kid every Sunday, because my grandma made us, but then, it was more of an obligation.

Now that I’m older, I realize it’s not about going to church every Sunday or listening to someone else’s interpretation of the bible and someone else’s version of who they think the Lord is. It’s about having a relationship with him that brings you peace. I don’t even really use any traditional prayers, I just speak to him like I would speak to my parents. Reading the bible, or even just googling verses for whatever you feel can help you get to know him.

My Life Coach client came back at the star of this year, I now work with his wife too. I got a new client who asks me to create graphic designs and my life coach client referred me to one of his clients, so I work with him too. I don’t earn as much as I used to, but it’s enough to get us by. It helps that the people who love us also help us financially, and we are truly grateful for that.

Love

Before the pandemic started, we shuffle back and forth from our house to my grandma’s house and back to our house. My grandma was diagnosed with Stage 4B Breast Cancer before the pandemic hit, since then, I shuffle my family back and forth, just to be with her. Sometimes we stay the weekend, sometimes we stay for 3 week days straight, if we didn’t live with my mother in law, I’d have moved back to my grandma’s house, but I understand that “O” also has a responsibility to his only living parent.

My grandma raised me and my sister after my parents separated, she’s my maternal grandma. I kid you not when I say that she gave me everything I ask for, growing up and until now, sometimes I don’t even need to ask. Now it’s my turn to take care of her, I do it the best way I can by showing her that I’m here for her. I can’t provide her with money, but that’s what my sister is for 😅, I gave her 3 gorgeous great grandchildren, and she always makes me feel like that’s enough.😂

During the quarantine, we weren’t able to go to her house at all, when it wasn’t so strict anymore, I went by myself because the kids were still not allowed to go out then. Finally, the community quarantine isn’t so strict anymore so we can visit her at least once a week. It made a difference because when we weren’t able to visit her, she became depressed and irritable, she’s definitely happier now.

The pandemic has also been better for my marriage. I thought I knew my husband like the back of my hand because we’ve been together for 20 years, but it turns out that there’s more to discover. I figured out what our respective love language is. My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. His love languages are acts of service and quality time. I find that we understand each other more and know what we need from each other better. We still argue a lot, but we wouldn’t be OA if we didn’t. *Omeng and Ane, for those who are new here.*

Eat, Pray and Love is a 2010 movie based on a2006 memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Locked Down

I’m not going to lie, staying at home with your family can be challenging. Some relationships have ended because of the pandemic. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy for me, because it was anything but. I love my family to death and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them, but damn, they can be annoying. All of them, even the little princess who can turn into an ogre in a second!

They look adorable in the photo above, but don’t be fooled! I love them, but being a parent is HARD!

On the up side, I get to spend time with them and truly get to know them. I can guide them better and make sure they stay kind and abide by the laws. I hope I can teach them to be responsible grown ups.

Locked Down is a 2021 film starring Anne Hathaway and Chiwetel Ejiofor.

So, What Now?

You probably noticed by now that the headings of this post are movie titles. I think that movies, tv shows, reality tv (RHOBH, KUWTK), K-dramas, The Sims 4, Genshin Impact and GTA V are what has kept me sane and depression at bay during this very challenging time. I guess I just have to keep at it to stay sane and hopefully, this ordeal ends soon.

I’ve also realized that it’s okay not to be okay. It’s normal. No one is happy 100% all the time. At the end of the day, what matters is that I’m healthy, mentally, physically and spiritually. If staying sane means binge watching tv shows, eating an extra donut or two or taking longer showers, so be it.

This pandemic has greatly affected my way of life. It changed our lifestyle drastically. We don’t get to do the things we used to do – travel, eat out, eat some more, meet with friends and family and etc, because it’s not safe anymore. Will I ever get used to “the new normal”? I hope so, it’s hard to breathe in a mask, and the face shield fogs my vision, but I still wear it because I’d rather be uncomfortable than dead.

“O” tells me that the pandemic is teaching us a valuable lesson, I forgot what he said.😅 But for me I think it’s telling us that the accumulation of wealth don’t define our success and who we are as a person. Covid-19 didn’t choose who it affected. It infected the rich and the poor, in its eyes, we are all equal. So now that you know that, maybe strive for happiness and contentment rather than the accumulation of wealth from now on. I know that’s what I strive for, to just be happy.

I understand more that change is the only permanent thing in the world. We must learn to adapt, otherwise, there’s no surviving this. I don’t think that I’m a “Survivor” just yet, because it’s not over! BUT, I’m surviving. Right now, that’s better than nothing.

I’m hopeful! I learned in K-dramas to not give up, we can make it! So, Fighting (hwaiting)!❤️

This story is an entry to ComCo Southeast Asia’s “Write to Ignite Blogging Project Season 2: Dear Survivor”. The initiative continues to respond to the need of our times, as every story comes a long way during this period of crisis. The initiative aims to pull and collate powerful stories from the Philippine blogging communities to inspire the nation to rise and move forward amidst the difficult situation. The “Write to Ignite Blogging Project” Season 2 is made possible by ComCo Southeast Asia, with Eastern Communications and Jobstreet as co-presenters, with AirAsia and Xiaomi as major sponsors, and with Teleperformance as sponsor.